


You Are Worth So Much

by onefootintheboilinghotlava



Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 02:59:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7416982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onefootintheboilinghotlava/pseuds/onefootintheboilinghotlava
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during the ongoing war against Valentine, Alec came back to the loft after a night patrol, not feeling okay and Magnus comforted him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Are Worth So Much

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't read any of the books yet, so forgive me if there's any inaccuracy or whatsoever...... It's mainly about Alec's insecurities and Magnus assuring him.

It took all the remaining adrenaline he still had after that fight against the demons to stumble into Magnus’ loft. Once he walked across the threshold, he almost collapsed right onto the floor, if not for his all-attentive boyfriend catching him right by the door.  
‘Alexander!’ Magnus exclaimed, half -carrying his boyfriend onto the couch. ‘Just sit down, I will get everything you need and then we go to bed, alright?’ He did not wait for a reply before gathering some towels and a change of clothes for Alec. It had become a custom for Magnus to have everything ready if Alec returned home exhausted or wounded. If Alec got hurt in any way that an iratze couldn’t fix, Magnus had made his team promise to call him right away so he could heal him right away. Hence, as long as Alec could come home, it would usually be minor injuries and utmost exhaustion. 

When Magnus returned to the couch, it was then he finally saw the stoic look in Alec’s eyes, and noticed the fact that his boyfriend did not even so much as whimpered when he carried him through the loft and started to clean up his wounds and blood from the gear. Still, Magnus cleaned up his gear and gently helped him take off his clothes and changed into the more comfy pjs, that he tilted his boyfriend’s chin towards himself, kneeing down to look up to his handsome shadowhunter.

‘Alexander, something went wrong? I am always here for you.’ He smiled softly to Alec. In just one moment, Alec’s stoic expression broke. His eyes grew rimmed, his whole body started shaking and worst of all he opened his mouth but couldn’t get a word out. He turned back down to look down on the floor, turning away from facing Magnus. Magnus slowly put his hand onto Alec’s shoulders, gradually holding him closer. 

‘Hey take a breath, you can cry or scream or anything, I am right here with you, okay? Turn to me, let me hold you, may I?’ He kissed Alec’s forehead briefly, smoothing his back muscles and waiting for Alec to speak.  
‘Magnus…… I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve to be the head of the Institute, I don’t deserve you……’ Alec whispered as he almost flinched at Magnus gentle touch, did not melt into it as he would usually have.  
‘Hey Alexander, look right into my eyes.’ He held his chin up and around, making sure their eyes were looking into each other.  
‘Tell me what happen first, okay? But believe me, no matter what happened, you deserve all the love that I can give you. Just tell me what happen.’  
‘One of my team got killed tonight.’ His body was shivering against Magnus’ gentle touch on his shoulder.  
‘And?’ Magnus prompted. As the war against Valentine was still going on, getting injured or wounded from missions that were ambushed by demons somehow deployed by Valentine was not uncommon. There had been a few deaths from these ambushes, however it was still to be expected when they were at war. 

‘Richard…His name was Richard. We could have made it out alive, if I have decided to increase the number of the patrolling team. He jumped to attack one of the demons when he saw a few demons were rounding me and the other guy up…… He missed the one that was behind him though, and he……’  
‘My dear Alexander, you know Valentine would only have increased the number of demons he sent out, if you had raised the patrolling team’s number. We are at war and he is using the exhaustion tactics with you guys. He knows too well of your kind and how the Institute works. You have already done the best that you could.’  
‘Then this only proves my best is not good enough. These are my men, under my leadership that he died. He turned out to be right! How am I suppose to be the Head of the New York Institute when I keep losing my team to Valentine?’  
‘Alec, you have to understand what a war is. You know what it is and what it meant to our world as you have learnt from history and lessons, yet you need to understand that it is something that will keep happening when you are in a war. War meant losses and pain and suffering more often than one’s usual lifetime. To be a leader in the midst of a war does not mean to prevent losses, because there would not be a way for that, also because that is not what is essential for a leader. To be a leader in a war, is to be diligent and stand right back up before anyone. My dear Alexander, your heart to protect everyone keeps your mind always in the right place and that is what makes you such a great leader. I have seen too many people getting lost with their hearts in wars just because they have lost too much. You are more than enough to be the Head of the New York Institute, okay? You gained the trust of the pack and the clan, which has not been done so thoroughly by a Head of Institute since, maybe ever. You have the heart of gold that makes you trustworthy and humble enough, which is something especially needed to fight a war that is worthwhile. So my dear Alexander, listen to me, when I say you are more than enough.’  
Alec took a breath and finally leaned into Magnus’ touch. Seeing that Magnus held Alec into his arms for an embrace, loose enough that Alec could still pull away with minimal movement. A small smile crept onto Alec’s face, yet it quickly turned to a surly smile.  
‘Still…He was right……’  
‘Who was right and about what, Alexander?’  
‘Richard…Remember the snarky shadowhunter got sent to the Institute? The one that Izzy and Clary kept wanting to smack or hit him in one way or another? That’s Richard, actually.’  
‘Yeah’ he’s annoying, if things said by the two girls were anything to go by.’  
‘Sure, he was…not friendly, but he was good at what he did. The reason Izzy and Clary were always so ready to smack him or something was because he kept slipping remarks of how under my leadership of the Institute, more shadowhunters would be lost and died, how we’d lose this war with me around, and…how I am being a distraction for you, while you could have devoted more time with the Downworlders to fight this war……He was right, Magnus, you are so talented and there’s so much you can do. You have been the High Warlock of Brooklyn for so long while I have barely managed to stay the Head of the New York Institute and fighting so poorly in this war against Valentine…..’  
‘Alec…Like I said, this is war. And it hasn’t been a Head of the Institute to fight in a war for over two decades. Valentine managed to gain an upper hand last time, if not for Lucian and Jocelyn. No one knows what tomorrow holds. I have seen more wars than most, having born in the times where human and the magic world alike finding more ways to fight than ever. I can assure you that you are already doing the best. Richard’s sacrifice is one thing, it does not mean that he was right about everything. Like you said, he was good at his job, this is what he had chosen to do. And you honour him by being exactly the way and the best you are.’  
Alec stared at the wall behind Magnus throughout Magnus’ speech, second by second trying to take in what his boyfriend was trying to say. Though his body gave in to Magnus’ gentle touches and caressing, his heart seemed to be staying in the moment Richard had sacrificed himself for him.  
‘Why do you always know what to say to me? Magnus, how are you always so nice to me and just know what I need?’ Alec smiled slightly at his boyfriend, though his heart was still weighted down with the loss of Richard.  
‘The same way goes for you, Alec. My age might grant me a little more experience, but you know when it’s a bad day for me and you know just what to do with me as well. We love each other, my dear Alexander.’ Magnus pulled back from the embrace and looked back into his boyfriend’s wonderful blue eyes.  
‘Come on, let’s get to bed. We both have a long day before us. We’ll deal with whatever mess it is after a goodnight sleep?You are way too tired and too much is in your head, so let’s just cuddle for the night and we will talk tomorrow?’ Magnus lightly dragged Alec up from the couch and led him to their bedroom. (Magnus still felt giddy whenever he’d refer to ‘THEIR bedroom’ in his head or otherwise.)  
Once Alec hit the soft and welcoming ‘memory-foam’ bed, all the adrenaline, tears and confusions finally led him to exhaustion. His body melted against the soft material. Soon enough, a warm body wrapped around him, giving the extra warmth that made it perfect for his body to fall asleep. As he was drifting off to sleep, he could still hear Magnus murmuring to his ear, hands touching over Alec’s body, peppering light kisses on his bare skin. 

‘‘You are worthwhile. You are worth every effort I tried to fight for you, for a chance with you. You are worth Isabelle’s love for you. You deserve Max’s love and respect for everything you’ve done and thought of him. You deserve to have Jace alive and well and fighting together with you. You are not just the protector to them, you are not just the perfect soldier your parents made you to be. All your abilities and thoughts are what made we all love of you, what I fall in love with. You are worth everything.’ 

Alec fell into a dreamless sleep with Magnus’ voice in his ears.

**Author's Note:**

> In my own mind, Richard is just like the kinda snobby but still smart type? Like he is mean but he works diligently? Also I thought this might be too much conversation? So if you have any constructive criticism or anything, it's all welcome :) Kudos and comment mean the world to me <3 Thanks for reading to the end.


End file.
